Caraphernalia In Caradise

The No Good Very Bad Day, that just sounds bad but really was actually ok. Part 2

2011-03-02T17:51:00.000-08:00

If you are going to write a blog you should just do it. I have learned that my attention span is not set up to divide blog post into parts and then hold myself to the expectation that if I have a part one there must be a part two in a timely manner. So, lets continue... Begin Part Two.

The Chief answers the phone. I preface with, "Dad, get ready to be really mad at me, it's about my car." I feel like a criminal running from the law who has just walked in to the station to turn myself in. I explain the situation. The Chief lets out a long sigh of deflation and sadness. He concurs with my mission from the tow truck driver that it would be good to wash then engine. I drive to the car wash and do so, my car rattling and fuming the whole way but it is only about 1/4 mile down the road. It's a nice day. So, the car wash is pretty crowded. It is one of those ones where you wash the car with a high pressure sprayer. That makes sense because I was not sure what the protocol is on going through a drive thru touchless wash with your hood open. I just didn't see how it would work logistically and I was pretty sure doing so could be breaking a rule or something. I stand in a puddle of muck water and blast my engine with the high pressure spray. I feel as ridiculous as I must have looked, all dressed up and trying to control this anaconda beast of a hose and not allow my dress to fly up from the back-draft of air whirling around my wash station. The Chief wants me to have it towed. Great. Now I have reached out to him for a solution and when he provides one I decide to defy him. This does not help my case. Only because I am 31 and do not live under his roof do I even have the balls to do so. I say a prayer and drive to his house anyway.

I make it, but the car makes a sound as if it is being strangled the whole way. Before any attention can be given to my vehicle, I have some explaining to do. Of course, The Chief hugs me and says he is sorry I had a rough day. Then we go over the facts. The issue here is "attention to details, " details that are small but ever so important. Details like making sure to put the oil cap back on, and noticing when your car is smoking before you have driven across 2 counties, and keeping your funnel in your car. The Chief is not angry, he is disappointed. Not so much in me, more in himself. The man has been a mechanic for like 4 decades. He has done his best to teach me, in the decade that I have been driving, right from wrong when it comes to car care. His own sense of failure as a father is what really disturbs him so deeply. Like a blithering idiot, I stammer regrets and excuses trying to ease his dismay. He heads out to examine the car. I am relieved to have made it there and as the tension subsides I am able to bask in the warm glow of his expertise. While I am at it, I pull up a chair on the back deck, remove my blue stockings and let my sun-starved skin bask in the sunshine of what despite all is still just a really nice day. I get a call from Liz, as I tell her my story we are soon laughing uncontrollably. I take comfort in her comparable experiences with her own father, car, and oil. I am glad to know that I am not the only daughter to crush her fathers faith and degrade him with her stupidity when it comes to such matters. We have a really nice convo, make plans for the near future, and when we sign off I am invigorated with her positive energy and our happy chat.

Remember at the end of Part One when I pointed out that as I added 4 quarts of oil with my make-shift funnel not once checking the level with the dipstick? The Chief approaches me and I ask if my car will survive. He looks baffled and asks how much oil I put in. Turns out it was now 2 quarts over full. What the? Great. Just when i thought I couldn't look more incapable of fighting my way out of a wet paper bag. My poor father. Then he proceeds with explaining how the engine works, what happens when there is not enough oil, and what happens when there is too much oil. I try to show understanding on my face. I feverishly try to burn his words into my mind to be able to successfully regurgitate it when it comes time to prove I get it. This lecture involves drawing diagrams, elaborate hand gestures, long pauses with intense stares... as if he is waiting for my dull mind to start cranking before his eyes.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeww... ok y'all I have got to wrap this up. Three more paragraphs on top of the essay that was Part One?!? Why does it take so much longer to blog than gab? I need talk to text, yo. So the Chief, though once again shattered by my lack of common sense, still loves me and he thinks I am great at lots of other stuff, like being Daddy's Girl. My car, even though I shaved a healthy chunk off its life span and cracked the windshield from all the heat up under my hood, is still getting me back and forth to MY NEW JOB Y"ALL! And that day was so warm and so pretty... In the words of Ice Cube "I had to say it was a good day."

Note to self: next blog should be pictures.

The No Good Very Bad Day, that just sounds bad but really was actually ok.

2011-02-18T14:02:00.000-08:00

Oh man, yesterday! WTF? Yesterday was the day after one of the most perfect days of my life. This perfect day began with breakfast in bed, a bubble bath, an adoring Valentine, and a treasure hunt. The day proceeded with a sexy new dress, a lunch date at the swankiest of restaurants, window shopping, and a stroll along the creek on a spring sneak peak kind of beautiful day. The day ended with a hilarious movie and a cozy snuggle. Ah, it was indeed such a perfect day.

Then I wake up and it's yesterday. I oversleep and finally drag my ass out of bed very groggy and dehydrated. But the weather is even finer than the day before and as I am walking the dog I get excited to jump in my truck, open the sunroof, and go to the 10 am job interview in Rockville with hope in my heart. As I am getting ready I flip on the radio and I am blessed with a throw back jam from the Ill Na Na... it gets me even more pumped. Dressed and ready to dominate, I kiss my man goodbye. BUT disaster is lurking. What I don't know (as I am barreling down 270, doing 70 mph, blasting tunes and car-dancing) is that when we added some oil to the car last night, we accidentally neglected to put the oil cap back on. Unbeknown to me, oil is spraying out of my car, all over the hot engine and various other parts, to the point of even coming out of the hood and up on to my windshield. Yet at this point, I am still oblivious until I get to my exit.

The first clue that something is amiss... people are desperately trying to get away from me, cutting me off and not letting me merge, flipping me the bird as they push their way past me. I think to myself how rude people in Rockville are, and how glad I am to live in Frederick, in a nice place, away from these jerks. Then I look in my rear view and a woman is gesturing as if smoke is in her eyes. Frustrated with these Rockville people and their bad attitudes I decide to retaliate, I flip her the bird, and let the people of Rockville know that they can't F with Frederick. I guess I showed her, huh? Then I notice a smell. Its is a burning smell and it is strong. Then I see the smoke. Because I am now stopped at a traffic light it is much easier to see that there is smoke pouring out from under my hood and choking out all that cars around me. I know instantly what is wrong, I have just driven about 40 miles at high speed with my oil cap off... es no bueno.

I stop looking for the location of my interview and pull into a Park and Ride. When I open the hood it looks like a volcano of oil has erupted. It is everywhere, EVERYWHERE! Sooooooo much smoke and it just continues! It continues for so many minutes that I come to the conclusion that my engine is on fire and I am going to blow up. I picture myself burned like Freddy Kruger, horribly disfigured for the rest of my life. I am a freakish monster and no one but my parents can even love me anymore. I envision news reel footage shot from a helicopter of the smoldering and singed Park and Ride after the giant explosion caused by a complete moron and resulting in massive amount of property damage, reeking havoc and causing chaos that ruins this beautiful day for many people. What do I do?

In a desperate attempt to avoid this fate, I begin dumping soda on the engine. The cup is empty in seconds and the smoke is still rolling out. I say to myself, "Self, you are pathetic." My next thought is my Dad, "He can never know of this, the devastation it will cause just might kill him." My father, The Chief, was a mechanic most of his life. On so many occasions he has tried to teach me how to properly maintain and operate my vehicle, and on so many occasions I have failed miserably and had to call him to rescue me from a car situation that could have been avoided by common sense on my part. So, I call my darling boyfriend and he does not answer. I leave him a voice mail telling him my car is on fire, when I get to the part about not wanting to call my Dad and not knowing what else to do I begin to cry. When I finally get a hold of him it is apparent that there is nothing he can do now except now be really worried and feel really bad for me. It seems I will have to call The Chief, my heart sinks to the ground.

Then I see a tow truck, I flail my arms as if I am a shipwreck survivor desperately signaling an airplane as I bob helplessly in an angry ocean. The man pulls along side of me, my smoking car, and my empty McDonalds cup. I ask him in a non-emergency tone of voice if he has a fire extinguisher. He leaps out to inspect the situation. He looks at my car with sympathy, and me with shame. He rattles off all the damage I have likely caused my vehicle. Yet still, I would rather hear it from him than the Chief, so I just listen and smile. He gives me the instructions to get 4 quarts of oil and put it in 1 quart at a time, then drive to a car wash to wash my engine. I agree to the terms. Then he sighs as if to say, "You are clearly not capable of handling this, so I have to step in and help you. Bitch, you are making my bad day even worse." The man was cranky and not at all thrilled about being stuck with my dumb ass. I jump in his bug truck and we head to Auto Zone, and on the way I attempt small talk.

I tell him I am from Frederick and coincidentally he replies that he has just moved to Frederick. Thinking we are about to bond I ask how he likes it. His response, "I fucking hate it." He complains that his commute now sucks. I think to myself, "You are a tow truck driver, you drive all day, shouldn't that cancel out your feeling on your commute?" Instead of making this observation, I play it smart and commiserate on the suckiness with him. I say, "Yeah, that sucks." Tense silence for a few minutes, then reluctantly he asks me where I was headed. I say, "Job interview." He gives a cold snicker and says, "That's fucked." I agree. We arrive at Auto Zone and he just goes right in before I have even climbed down out of his gigantic truck. He selects a very big container with over 4 quarts of oil vs. individual containers with a quart each. Knowing I have no funnel, I protest to this awkward to pour container. He shuts me down saying HE would pour it, so I zip it and I pay for the oil.

On the ride back to my car he gets a call to tow a vehicle located waaaaaaaay out on 495 and bring it back to Rockville. He is furious! He responds to the person on the line with, "Carol! Are you serious? Are you fucking serious? You saying I am the only one close and you sending me all the way the fuck out there?" He does not wait for Carol's response he hangs up on her and exclaims, "I hate this fucking job!" I yell right back, "At least you have a fucking job!" He pauses and looks at me, a little taken back... then we both crack up laughing. Whew, ice finally broken. Now that my knight in shining armor has to leave, he gives me a quick demo on how to pour in the oil from this big awkward container without spilling it. He says to pour in 4 quarts, 1 quart at a time, waiting a few minutes in between. He pours the first quart with ease and then heads off with full on grouch mode his tow on 495, declining the money I offer him but accepting my hope for his day to improve.

Lets face it, I am not going to be able to finesse this oil pouring like a professional tow truck driver. On my attempt I just pour it everywhere but the hole and all over my already oil soaked engine. Hmmm. So, I see some guys. They are doing CDL driving school behind the wheel practice. I interrupt the lesson to ask if they have a funnel. Denied, but they did point out that a funnel could be constructed by rolling a piece of paper. Inside I kick myself for not thinking of it on my own and I marvel at my own lack of intelligence. I get my atlas out of the back and I rip out of it Indiana, Kentucky, and Louisiana. Rolled up they make a fine funnel and I proceed adding oil as instructed. At no point do I use the dip stick to check the oil level, brilliant, this comes in later.

I have added the oil and now my next move should be to a car wash. But I am still scared. There is still so much oil on my engine. With a deep breath I start the car. It starts, but it does not sound good. It is shaking and making a struggling rumble. Now I am back in this predicament... I have to drive to the car BUT the noise from the car is saying, "Don't drive." I decide it is better to call The Chief now than to try to drive it, break it worse, and have to call him anyway. I am defeated as I make the call.

END Part 1

CFUnited 2010 BIG FAT THANK YOU

2010-08-09T14:02:00.001-07:00

CFUnited 2010, what can I say? My experience was awesome! My heart is filled with smiles, good times, great people, and wonderful memories. It was a bumpy road to get there but it was a labor of love. I am not a developer but "I heart CF" and I am in love with the CF community! This is an amazingly intelligent, generous, hard-working, hellafun, and genuinely NICE group of people. CFUnited leaves me this year gushing with gratitude. I will list a few of my appreciations to some key folks and if I stupidly leave anything out, please know I am still recovering from this whole thing.

Attendees: First of all your bona fide reputation proceeds you. Lansdowne staff has communicated that they think you are one of the nicest groups the have worked with and that they have truly enjoyed working with you in just about every way. I agree with them 10 fold. Every person I interacted with felt like an old dear friend, even if it was the first time we met. Every person who came by the registration desk and smiled, said "Hey, " and gave feedback was, to me, the beating heart of this event. We did this for you and you paid us back what we lacked in financial compensation in pleasantries, understanding, appreciation, and kind words. I deeply hope that you got your monies worth and then some from this year's event because our highest hope was to please you.

Advisory Board: We relied so heavily on your expertise and come to find out there was even more support available that we didn't know to tap in to. A ton of thanks for your work, diplomacy, and dedication. You are what has shaped and sharpened the content of this event and much of its fabulous reputation as an event of rich experience and learning is due to your input and guidance. This year, and I imagine in years past, you also felt and fielded some of the afore mentioned bumps in the road. You reacted with patience, support and assistance. You are such amazing leaders, advisors, and advocates of the community.

Speakers: You are the rock stars, you are the main event. So many quality people, who not only show up and do their thing with total finesse, generating energy and awe. People who also promote and facilitate creating a quality attendee experience before, during, and after the event. When you get them in front of their audience they never disappoint one fan and they are willing to sign every autograph, so to speak. As a teacher myself, I have immense respect for their willingness to give of themselves to light the way for others. You did so many things to make it special and to honor CFUnited as part of your presentation. I was really touched by that and I adore you for doing so. I also am really appreciative of those who stepped up to fill unexpected gaps in the schedule and those who offered to. We were not able to take on a lot of other speakers who I am sure would have done the same. All in all, speakers are the veins of that carry that carry the love out and then bring it back in.

Sponsors: These folks I worked closely with to make it a worthwhile endeavor and meet their sponsorship goals. I thank you so much for investing in this event and enriching the attendee experience. To me, sponsorship says, "This is the place to be and these are the people to meet." The expo floor is where sponsors and attendees network and make connections that grow business on both sides. I enjoyed working with every sponsor and I hope they can say the same of me. I think the sponsors really bring so much to the event beyond the swag they pass out. I deeply appreciate the interest and support. You are all welcome to borrow my car.

Tara: Believe it or not she is a full-time college student. From all her help and hard work last year, to co-running this event by my side this year, you should all be as impressed as I am with this chic. What it takes to do what she did is having a highly focused, organized, serious, dedicated, and mature work ethic. And those terms only begin to humbly describe her. Then you add her alluring charisma, her tenacity, her personality and outlook, her spunk, and her energy. What you have is, by and large, the finest person I have ever worked with on anything ever! And did I mention, she is still in college? Or did I mention she has 3 other jobs (server in an upscale restaurant, B'Nai Mitzvah Party Motivator on weekends, and Brand Ambassador in tri-state area cities) but that's not all. Did I mention she is an accomplished musician who takes weekly lessons and practices regularly? Did I mention she also baby-sits for her brothers and for other youngsters, all without missing a beat on what was needed from her for this particular endeavor? I have told many people that she is a soldier and I would be on the front lines with her any day. The future for Tara is limitless and the appreciation I have for her is bigger than the sky. We will all say "We knew her when... " - just watch.

Elliott: I call him The Boy Wonder but really that's just cause of his baby face. Really if we are going to assign him to a super hero, he is Batman. This man created, nay, invented, nay, pioneered the Stellr Intranet/CFUnited site and system, the Bat-cave, if you will. Here we have another young up and comer, a professional/student who walks tall with the seasoned gurus, and makes the untouchable look pocket sized. Like Batman, Elliott is your Everyman and your Crusader, your highly regarded authority genius and your down in the trenches people person. Not bestowed with any supernatural power, just that damn good when it comes to intelligence and chivalry. Not to mention one of the most popular speakers via votes and session attendance, boo yah! Though he is significantly younger than me, I have always looked up to him. He is an amazing mentor and a dear friend who works hard to keep the city safe.

Caroline and Lansdowne: Conference Planner extraordinaire, Caroline is so fit for her job and represents the Lansdowne standard beyond perfection. She did everything for this event with such eloquence and care, she took the utmost amount of importance in every detail. I worked with her so closely and am blessed to have had such a good planner and such a good friend through this whole year. And Lansdowne staff Bree, Mark, Denise, Mike, Sheila, Bob, James, Julie, Stephan, Lisa, etc. and the numerous techs and tenders who did us so wonderfully, you are so superb. I am so impressed and I am so grateful. To do these folks justice I feel like I have to invent new words because I can find none to truly express the magnitude of my appreciation. You held our hands and you had our backs, and SO much more. All the while, you did it with style!

Michael and TeraTech: Michael founded this event and has gone out of his comfort zone on several occasions, especially this past year to preserve and maintain the culture of CFUnited. The TeraTech company has rolled up their sleeves and put in a ton of behind the scenes effort over the years, often with little recognition. The other OGs (Original Gangstas) of this phenomenon are Kim, Alison, Ajay, David, and Nii. Beyond that there is a myriad of employees and interns that had their hands in the success of this event over the years and in 2010. They deserve a medal of honor for their willingness to go above and beyond the call of duty when needed; for you and for us, for each other, for CFUnited, TeraTech, and the CF community.

The Volunteers and the CF Mic Up Contributors: The volunteers Anant, Lola, Vicky, and Oguz kicked ass! They were dependable, flexible, and generous. They all really shined under pressure and I am so pleased by each of them. Furthermore, the CF Mic Up was entirely planned and executed by Vicky, Charlie, Sid, Josh, Jeff, Chaz and other great folks (not us) who wanted to lend their time, talent, and equipment to making this a fun and memorable experience. They lugged their equipment on planes and toiled over plans to provide a really great experience and make the absolute most of CFUnited. I am totally tickled pink that they did! Karaoke to "Love Shack" was just what the doctor ordered for me personally that night. I am glad to have the opportunity for that and I know so many others were too. Hats off to the party people! Silver sequined hats at that.

Nafisa and Liz: It just wouldn't be right not to mention these ladies. They have been growing this event for many years and left behind enormous shoes to fill. Liz helped to grow the event from CFUN to CFUnited and was behind many of the creative ideas and branding improvements over the years. Nafisa was key in creating a game plan to keep the conference afloat in tough times. I am so glad they were part of the 2010 experience and I am honored they came to support in one way and another. Both have moved to other endeavors but remain dedicated to CFUnited. Nafisa must be recognized for her effort early in planning and her loyalty to the event thereafter and I appreciate the support she has offered along the way in true big sister style. Both ladies offered sentiments of congratulations and pride that meant so much to me.

It doesn't seem like 12 years since the first CFUN, but time can fly fast when you are having so much fun! I feel sad that this is the last year for CFUnited in it's current form and given the repeated requests from everyone for a "CF-Re-United" or perhaps "CF Reanimated" next year and interest from several people in helping create it I am hopeful that this wonder gang will be back another time. Perhaps the format will be different, perhaps a different location, but what will be the same is the love of ColdFusion and sharing information and ideas with others! Again, I sincerely hope I have not overlooked any person in this post, as I am still recovering from the whirlwind that was CFUnited 2010.

Frederick(ghost)towne Mall

2010-07-12T21:26:00.000-07:00

It is a sad and eerie experience to visit the Fredericktowne Mall these days. I remember when that mall was the place to be, the place to shop, the bees knees if you will. I also remember when it was on its last leg, mostly empty ex-store areas and peppered lightly with a Nascar store here and a Dollar store there. Now, what was one the premier shopping mecca of the great city of Frederick is a ghost town, where no real stores thrive, only faint memories of a land time forgot. Mom and I went there recently, knowing no actual shopping was an option. Mom was jonesing for a little Long John Silvers and I thought it could be my last chance to partake in the battered nautical num-nums. Sadly, that ship had already sailed.

We were one of two groups of patrons that day, as she and I passed by the other 1/2 of the malls "shoppers," we exchanged fretful gazes as if to say to each other "what happened here, where is everybody, and get out before dusk... or who knows?" In fact I am not quite sure those "shoppers" were real and living, but perhaps instead the souls of shoppers past who are damned to wander the vacant corridor of the mall for eternity.

Either way, it was just creepy. My brain began to perk as to what would could become of this place and what potential were rich and savvy investors missing in this once celebrated structure? Now, I adore Frederick and I have lived in the big city, well Arlington, the big city right next to the BIG CITY... our nations capital, DC. Not for me! Give me Frederick any day, twice on Sunday's... but maybe not Saturday night. My first thought as to what is missing in almost perfect-ville was a proper nightlife. Not to say Frederick is Footloose's Bomont where to dance is outlawed entirely and reading novels like Tom Sawyer is a jailable offense, but Frederick's dancing scene leave much to be desired. So, I began to imagine the mall somewhat like Baltimore's Power Plant, a cluster of clubs, something for everyone, with a wild atmosphere but in heavily concentrated and controlled environment.

Now, although I am past my prime when it comes to clubbing I know that in my hay day we would all chip in for a limo or a hotel room, so we could safely go booty-shakin in B-more. That revenue spent on outsourcing our outings could stay right in our home town. Heck they could even do a bus service like in Ocean City to safely transport the patrons home. I mean, I don't know about you, but my mind is filled with dollar signs and dance music! Now thats good clean fun.

I did some research, well I ran this idea by some people sitting at my table at Waffles & Weekends (formally The Mud Puddle, they have the best soups and paninis and the owner is one of THE COOLEST people I have ever met!) and these folks made a few good points. It seems the Rt 40 neighborhood has become notorious for gangs and robberies. To that I said, WTF? But apparently it is true. So, perhaps crime or violence could be an issue. I remember when Exhale was not only the place to be, but the only option when it came local booty-shakin arenas, and it being all up in a residential neighborhood - it really caused some static with the kind folks living nearby. I think there were a lot of fights and unruly drunk people in the residents front yards on weekends during the wee hours, so I understand their complaint. But, the mall is sort of isolated by well... Rt40 - a four lane divider between commercial and residential. Just like Ocean City and Coastal Highway, which totally works for them, right! However, this is not at all a good idea if it fuels any violence and crime already thriving in the Rt 40 area. But if it IS a good idea, I insist part of the mall also become a roller skating rink since we lost Braddock a while back and my skates are as lonely as the mall these days.

So, potential crime is not good. Plan B. How about a school? Even our newest learn-arium has trailers out back, right? From a teaching standpoint the mall would actually make a great school. There is plenty of parking, the shops are already classroom sized, and the opposite ends are perfect for cafeteria and gymnasium. The entire thing is already handicapped accessible and has offices where teachers and administration could... have offices. The old movie theater could make a nifty auditorium indeed. The mall could once again be filled by children who crave malls! It would be like a proper transition for that building, the mall could be like Shel Silverstein's Giving Tree! It could continue its life as the place where the kids go to have social lives (and now learn stuff too). I think that is just beautiful! Tear.

Be it dance club or learning institution, I wish someone with gobs of money would save our forgotten old mall and turn it in to something special again. Until then, beware! I am pretty sure the place is haunted by our famous Blair Witch.

Chili Cook Off

2010-06-20T19:20:00.000-07:00

Ok. So in my previous entry I announced that I would blog about the DC 101 Chili Cook Off. That was about a month ago. It just so happens that my life turned completely upside down that very weekend. Since then I have been preoccupied with the task of scrambling to pick up the pieces. I won't go in to detail but I will sum up by saying "ugly break up that left me no choice but to move back home at age 30." Ugh, anyway as things are now calming down I realized that I had a blog and I was supposed to write on it.

The morning of the Cook Off was a bit rough. I had boo hoo eyes and had gotten little sleep the night before. It was threatening to rain and was chilly with grey skies. I stomped around trying on one clothing and shoe combination after another whining about the weather trying to ruin my Chili Cook Off cuteness. I marched in and out of my ex-boyfriends room (we had broken up the night before) with my dog trotting behind me looking confused by my frenzy. I was putting on clothes, asking for his opinion, then ripping them off and repeating this madness for about and hour. Finally, I decided to go with sensible shoes (my MBTs which everyone makes fun of because they do look pretty goofy) but still wear my bootie shorts with the phrase "party like rockstar" inscribed on the rear. I was not at all happy about the shoes and it really just was not hot enough outside for bootie shorts. I made my way out the door anyway to meet everyone a Liz's house.

I stop at CVS and who should I run into but Karla and Erin who are both going to the concert with me. Both were wearing FLIP FLOPS! I was immediately jealous! Furthermore, I realized that in all my wardrobe madness I had forgotten to bring the tickets, both mine and Erin's. I returned to get them and went to grab my own flip flops to add to the dufflebag of "back up outfits" I was already toting. Finally, at Liz's house, I spill the beans about the break up to Liz, Josh (her man), Karla, and Erin. None seemed too shocked, as they were already aware I was dating a loser. But they comforted me and we decided it was all the more reason to rock out. And wouldn't you know the sun began to peek through the clouds. I went for the flip flops I had grabbed and WTF I had brought 1 flat flop and 1 high heeled flop. Too late to turn back now.

Karla was using her fancy GPS to navigate us to RFK Stadium. The GPS had a British accent so I named him Alistair. At the beginning of this journey Karla raved about how awesome her GPS was and how much she loved his voice. You can imagine what happened next. We get severely lost despite our technology. Karla is a mad woman, cursing Alistair, calling him a piece of you know what, and each word he uttered irritated her even more. Now look, I am not holding any amount of misdirection against Karla, the driver, or Alistair, the navigator. I, myself would never even take on such a task as driving to RFK Stadium because I know we would get completely lost and DC would eat us alive for breakfast. So, I am in no way complaining about that. What I can complain about is this, I had to pee so bad it was painful. As we circled around the city passing gas station, after McDonalds, after one suitable place to pee and another and another, I thought my bladder was going to crack and spring a leak. I begged Karla to stop, she was not having any of it. I looked at Liz with such pain and whispered "It's your birthday, tell her to stop the car. Please help me." Liz, fearing Karla as did the rest of the passengers, offers me her cup. So, this is it? I am going to have to pee right here in a cup in the back seat with 4 other people in the car. I admit if I was wasted I probably would have done it with no shame. But I did not have that luxury, finally Karla is in line to bust a U-turn and on the opposite side of the street is a gas station. I tell Erin to let me out and declare I am going pee and to pick me up at the gas station once they were turned around. I was not sure if Karla would come back for me, but it was a risk I had to take. Dear Lord this bathroom facility was hands down, by far, the filthiest and most disgusting restroom I had EVER been in. I am not going in to those details. But I used it none the less and we were back on our way.

Ok, so you would think that there would be plenty of signs leading to the RFK Stadium. No, wrong. We could see the huge stadium but we could not reach it. All paths led around it, not in to it. The best thing we could have done was when we illegally turned into a No Parking zone and the the police forced us to leave it and luckily go the right way. Thank God because we might never have figured it out. So yay, we're here! We hop out and begin strolling up to the gate. The music is pumping, I believe we came in during Switchfoot. People were all hyped up, the sun was shining, I got a wave of energy as if I had just drank from the Fountain of Youth and chased it with a Red Bull.

We were ready for action. We made our way through the crowd. Holding hands like paper chain we set out, and I was the line leader. Every time there was a shift in the crowd and a space big enough for one person opened up, I would make my move. All smiling and "excuse me" I would wedge me and my girls in. Good thing we are short and cute, nobody minded. Things were slowing down, Switchfoot ended which left even more openings in the crowd. We got pretty darn close to the stage, I'd say like 6 bodies back. Side note: we were standing right next to this guy that was so freaking hot! Tall, chiseled, dark hair, ice blue eyes, bandanna. Sweaty... and bloody? Turns out it was the blood of some dude who he gave an ass-beating to moments before. So man-ly, just hot, ya know? We found the perfect spot to stand, so I thought.

Cage the Elephant came on and all of the sudden the crowd came to life. We were getting tossed around like a dingy boat in the middle of the ocean during a hurricane! It was pretty exciting. The something heavy fell on my head, it was a person! It was raining bodies, one after another from every direction. I had forgotten about this aspect of "big concerts." Limbs and legs, shoes and hair... everywhere above. My age and my metal neck got the best of me and I decided to head to calmer waters. The path to which was to move closer to the front and show distress and a large security man will lift you out of the mayhem. God Bless those men!

It began to get rainy and we all got separated. The ground was like a river of plastic cups floating in sewage. I repeatedly thanked myself for wearing the sensible shoes. I was getting chilly and goose bumps were all over me, but I would so much rather be cold then have on flip flops on in that garbage swamp. Go me. It was me, Erin, and Josh... looking for Liz and Karla. Liz had brought a pair of jeans which I had been carrying around for the birthday girl, I fashioned them in to a turban and scarf type head piece which helped to keep me warmer and keep the rain off my face. I will admit that there was a point of wet coldness that I was ready to go sit in the car till the end of the show. Ok, thats embarrassing but the skies cleared, I found my friends, and I was back in action.

So, Alice in Chains was great and then Stone Temple Pilots were coming on. Liz had to use the bathroom so as the rest of our posse headed to the stage we headed to the port-a-potties. When we emerged, the band was starting, I got a burst of energy and threw Liz on my back and started running for the stage. We never found the others but we went up there and rocked out hardcore. To be honest, I never liked STP but I still know all their songs, I suppose by osmosis, and I had a blast during their set. I was breaking it down and shaking my money maker so hard when we reconnected with our group they questioned if I had taken something. Nope, just high on live music I suppose, another aspect of the "big concerts" I had forgotten about. So, I learned I can still rock out, and turns out I don't do it nearly often enough. A good time had by all, and we have decided that no matter how old we get we are going to celebrate Liz's birthday at the Cook Off forever more. I think it might be just what we need to keep us young at heart.

Baby's First Blog

2010-05-03T19:51:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I have a blog...but I have not actually written anything. Not that I don't have anything to say, believe me. I really would like to keep the writing purposeful though, vs. my own personal ranting. So, I have decided to blog about the DC 101 Chili Cook Off http://www.dc101chilicookoff.com/main.html I will be attending May 22nd. Should be an interesting day! I have not been to a festival like this, rocking out in the hot sun, since jeeze college. The occasion this time is Lovely Liz's 30th birthday! Lets see if I remember how to get down with the kids of America. I promise a full report once I recover. It will be my first real blog, awe.